I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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