if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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