Im at strip club and am horny
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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