I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
