Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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