i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
