i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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