her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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