I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
