I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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