Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
