Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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