I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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