YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
