at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
