i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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