yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
