Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
