I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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