PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
