If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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