My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
