Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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