I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
