this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
