Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
