ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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