Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
