I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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