I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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