My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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