:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
