He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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