Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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