You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
