I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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