I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
