i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
