Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
