you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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