I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
