I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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