I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
