that's an acceptable place to lick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
