I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
