and she was petting her beer can
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
