My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
