i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
