I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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