Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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