No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
