I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
