he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
